Learning to Smile Again...

My sister sent me a message the other day while she was out. She told me "I'm finally learning to smile again". At that moment I didn't know what she meant so I sent her a message back stating "Huh". She said the last few months I've kind of been sad/depressed with everything that's been happening but now I'm learning to smile and be happy again. Then I thought to myself when was the last time I smiled cause I was really happy and I couldn't remember. When I'm around people lately I notice I do the fake smile or laugh just so no one knows that I'm really crying or upset inside. I know things these days aren't the easiest but I need to really find that "Place of yes" and learn to smile again. I feel my days are consumed with work, kids after school sports and constant phone calls to insurance companies and doctors offices. Running Brandon's health and medical needs is almost like having a 3rd job, but it's something I would not want anyone else to do. This way I know he's getting the best care possible, because if you know me I'm very hands on and aggressive when it comes to things like that. Trust me the poor nurses and medical assistants at the hospital know me very well, we're even on a first name basis. Hahaha

So my new resolution to myself is to take at least 1 hour a day to just breathe and relax. I'm go go go non stop til about midnight every night. I've noticed that I'm starting to get very run down and I will never find a happy place at this rate. I also suggest all you other mommy, daddy's, wives, husbands and everyone else do the same. Take a step back and learn to enjoy the simple things in life even if it's just watching your favorite TV show, reading a book or watching your kids play outside. Go and find that place that gives you peace and happiness.

A little update on Brandon a lot of you ask when his next post will be, hopefully soon. He's a talented and creative writer but I know with all the meds he's on his sleep schedule is far from normal. He can tell a story like no other and even when he rambles to me about programming or gaming I can still listen to him for hours even though I'm clueless what he's talking about. It's just because he makes everything so interesting. So as for now no more surgery until its deemed a necessity. Remember my whole Quality vs. Quantity post you'll understand more by reading that. I had a very hard time accepting Brandon's choice that day but in the end it is his choice and he has to be 100% ok with his decisions. I'm merely a sidekick going to root him on until we hear those words "Your in Remission". Next up is Proton Radiation and Chemotherapy. I hear great things about proton radiation and I have full faith Brandon will pull through a winner like always.

I hope you all a great and memorable 4th of July.

Here's some pics from the past of my babies in there red, white and blue.